This is not really an outfit post- I mean, it is. It is me, in an outfit... but mainly this is to mark a little milestone.
One of the things that gets me down the most about my illness is how I have to be awkward about transportation when I'm out with friends. I always have to ask too many questions and plan my day out the night before and always always have a back-up plan if I find myself unable to walk or carry on. In London, it's very easy to hop on a bus pretty much anywhere- but I find even the walks between bus stops to be too much for me sometimes. And most people don't understand that, you see. To most people walking 5 or 6 bus stops is no big deal, a 10 min fast-paced brisk walk. To me, walking 5 bus stops feels me with the most horrible dread. Like, casually climbing up Everest or running a marathon. It literally pains me when people say 'oh, it's just a five minute walk'... because I know- to me that means I'll be aching and fatigued and unable to enjoy whatever is waiting for us at the other end. I just... It's just a physical limit that really gets me. And the look on people's faces sometimes when I ask 'oh- could we just get a bus?'. If they have no idea- the looks I get are full of reproach as if to say 'How LAZY are YOU!'. It kills me a little bit inside.
Most of the time to overcome this, I say to people that I will meet them there. My nearest and dearest friends know better and often offer to accompany me- which is the best. <3
But it's something that (I feel) can ruin the mood of an entire day if I let it. I've been keen to get better and sort this out- but it's not really that easy. There is something called 'Graded Exercise' which is basically building up what your body can take gradually over time. To most people what I'm about to say is going to sound really small and ridiculous- but it's pretty big for me, and I want to be honest so here we go...
I can now walk to the Co-Op and back.
The distance between the Co-Op and my house is approx 1.5 bus stops each way. That's a total of 3 bus stops. This time 2 years ago, if I needed milk, I would go to my corner shop which is about a 1/4 of a bus stop from my house.
That means that on an average day, when I'm working from home (and not doing any other major energy-sucking activity) I can walk a total of 3 bus stops and not be totally comatose for the rest of the day. BIG NEWS. :] Obviously I'm still tired afterward, and I need to have a lie down (like I would do with any other activity) but it's definite improvement.
So- yeah. YAY! For small steps. This is a picture of me on a pretty average work-from-home day. My big jumper was found on ebay- it's knitted and it's William Morris, and pretty perfect for the 'summer' weather we've been having here. haha.
Kimxo
p.s. Just to clarify- this means that over and above my usual amount of activity, I am able to do a bit more than I could 2 years ago. On good days I can be a tour guide for half a day and on bad days, even the thought of leaving the bed makes me feel sick. But on an average, run-of-the-mill day, this means I can treat myself to some Chocolate Milk! Which, y'know, is all any girl really wants. :]
I'm glad you're able to get out and about more easily! I can't imagine how trapped you must feel on bad days. I hope you continue to improve.
Posted by: Andi | July 23, 2012 at 05:05 AM
This sounds exactly like my friend. I don't know if you got diagnosed with something, she didn't, and she gets looks from people all the time. I always just went along with her whenever she was tired but only realised how bad it was when she couldn't stand up anymore, walking the stairs after a really short trip to the supermarket. I think it's really hard to imagine being so tired when you've never really had any of these problems. I really hope it will continue getting better for you! Good luck!
Posted by: An | July 23, 2012 at 10:16 AM
I have this illness too, and Hoshimoto's, so I can say "Wow! That is HUGE". Well done! Enjoy! ... I'm the same about the places I walk to, when I can walk to them. There's a path through the woods beside my home, and I use to only make it to the bottom of the field, and then to the stream, and then to the gate. Lately, I made it through the gate and along past the pond. Which thrills me, as I never thought I could make it that far, and that part of the woods is so pretty. Of course, I don't go everyday; but I too, think about times in the past when it would have seemed impossible (and was impossible) to go through the gate. Luckily things do change, over time. Hugs!
Posted by: Paula | July 23, 2012 at 01:24 PM
Congratulations! I felt such a sense of empathy when I read this post. Although I am physically fit (well, fit enough for what I do with my life) I can understand how little achievements can make you feel so wonderful. I used to have an anxiety problem leaving the house and I can remember the first time I managed to go to the supermarket after I started councilling, it was the most terrifying and thrilling experience in the world. I hope your exercise plan continues to make life easier for you.
Also, you look really pretty in these photos xo
Posted by: Alice | July 23, 2012 at 02:46 PM
Pour yourself a HUGE glass of Chocolate milk! Your efforts are being rewarded. Well done you! You are SUCH an inspiration .... and thank you for sharing .... educating people out there that don't understand is very important. Go girlfriend! Hugs
Posted by: Quiltingbee | July 23, 2012 at 06:34 PM
Well done, ma'am. I (obviously) don't know what your medical condition is, but I spend a good seven years recovering from some nasty ankle and knee injuries, and once I didn't need my cane, it didn't mean I was completely fine. So keep on keepin' on with your victories and also?
Your sweater is adorably awesome! I love it with your hair!
Posted by: C Marcia (Sequins) | July 25, 2012 at 10:39 PM
I also hope you continue to feel better. I can see why people must think you are super lazy. Personally it's hard for me to relate because I have to walk to uni every day because reliant or safe public transport doesn't exist in my country. If I couldnt walk places I would literally be house ridden. It's so hard to imagine not being able to get from a to b because of my own body. It must be incredibly frustrating for you! I really hope you continue to improve and baby steps will help. Just stay positive and be grateful for everything you have (especially your amazing illustration and knitting talents) including you sleepy body. I'm sure you'll recover in time. Before I started uni I didnt walk much and then I had to walk up a massive hill to get home everyday. It was so hard in the beginning because I hate tiresome exercise and now I love my hill but it took like 3 years to love it. Slowly but surely should do the trick and little rewards are the best!!! Keep on keeping on!!! Ps love your blog I read it all the time - it's lovely!!!!
Posted by: Lea | July 28, 2012 at 10:30 AM
just like spoon theory! am so proud of you :)
Barnicles
Posted by: Barnicles | July 31, 2012 at 01:04 PM