an honest post.

what's new. what's different. what's changed.
am i quieter? nicer? calmer? softer? i feel older. i feel chubbier. i feel more accomplished. i feel like a child still. you were 17, you are nearly 20. i still feel modest. i still feel shy. i have been broken. but i've always loved with my whole heart. i am still kind. i am a little more patient. i do not forgive as easy. i am more relaxed. i still like the same things. i like more things. i know how i want to live. my mind is more open. my hair is lighter and longer. my glasses are the same but not for long. my wardrobe is bigger. my shelves are fuller. i still work hard. i still make friends for life. i am braver. i am stronger. i have overcome more. i am still scared. i still love my parents. i still feel like an only child. i still cry when i think about what i'm missing. i can spell a little better. i still get frustrated. i still want more. i am thankful. i know i have earned what i have by being a good soul. i still melt when it's hot and walk slow. i am still sensitive. i enjoy colour more. i listen to more music. i eat different foods. my goals are still similar. my life is on track. i have learnt not to take things as seriously. i still stress. i still panic around spiders. i have watched horror films. i have walked home alone in london. i have bought a house. i do not journal as much, i know i should. i am home. (photos of me with black hair are from when i was 16/17.)i am glad i am here. it is not easy. my heart has been full and empty and broken and lost and cared for and swollen with pride and lustful but never greedy. my heart has felt love and disappointment. my mind has held too much. my ears have heard a lot of music, a lot of praise and a lot of opposition. my heart still beats, my mind still thinks and my ears still listen. my mouth is quieter and closed more often, although it does get excited and talk too much sometimes. my eyes still see things that others can't. my hands have learnt new ways of working, new skills and my arms have hugged new people and old. my legs have been tired but are constant. i have been to new places and done new things. i have been confused and certain. i appreciate things more. i have taken a lot of photographs and drawn on lots of paper.

i don't think i would tell you anything, young self. expect maybe that you will learn about yourself through the hard things, and that you will be braver with each day, and maybe i would tell you to keep listening to your gut- it is generally right, and you know that to grow you have to stretch until it feels a little uncomfortable. it doesn't get easier but you are loved and you can find beauty anytime you want.
  
these last few years have seen many tears, kisses and smiles. but always i look up and forward and i know it's time to close this chapter and start a new one. the characters from past pages may reappear and i will greet good friends with open arms. as my foundation year ends and the summer rolls in with it's heat, i have to remember that the cold will come again and new adventures await me everyday.

here is to a new house, my house, and new decorating adventures. here is to another move for my parents, and seeing how in love they still are (it makes me so happy). here is to how far i've come already and the whatever lys ahead. here is to starting a degree course soon, and to my dreams of being a shop owner. here is to making real friends and all those good friends i have known. here is to embracing change.

i love you. i have a couple good posts lined up for you this week while i'm slowly getting this house set up. [:

Comments

[Mim]

Thank-you for sharing this. It is so heartfelt. I love the pictures of you from when you are younger- especially the last one. Continue to be brave and move forward. You have a wonderful time ahead of you with your new home. Good luck and many blessings!

[Ashley Watts]

I really love reading things like this. Just in the time I've known you (online, of course lol) I can tell you've grown so much. Definitely proud of you and good luck with everything, Kimpop! :)
xo!

[teddi]

& that post dear grl was beyond beautiful w/ it's truth & poetry!

[catina jane]

love this and relate so much right now!

[Meg]

When reading this I felt like reading about myself a bit :) Now I'm even more excited about meeting you in person. I hope you won't be disappointed..and also know that I won't :)

[Jenipher]

I very much enjoy this post. And the way you wrote it our as well. I feel very much the same, only from ages 22 to 26.

It's a blessing you can see this all now. See how much you've grown and changed. Enjoy the journey!

Happy [every] day to you,
Jenipher :)